Masking

When teachers see a student who behaves “perfectly,” never complains, always smiles, does every task without protest, gets along with everyone, and seems calm all day — it’s easy to assume:

  • “They’re doing great.”
  • “They don’t struggle with anything.”
  • “They’re very mature for their age.”
  • “They don’t need support.”

But for many neurodivergent students — autistic, ADHD, anxious, AuDHD — this apparent calm is misleading.

👉 Masking is the act of hiding natural behaviours, stress, overload, or confusion to appear ‘normal’ and avoid judgement or attention.
It is not confidence.
It is survival.

1. What masking actually is

Masking means pretending to be okay while internally struggling.

Students mask when they feel they must:

  • look socially typical
  • hide discomfort
  • force eye contact
  • imitate classmates
  • suppress stimming
  • copy expressions or tone
  • push through sensory overload
  • stay quiet even when confused
  • smile to avoid questions
  • laugh even when they don’t understand the joke

Masking is exhausting and often invisible to teachers.

Many students mask so well that adults believe:

“Everything is fine.”

But the student feels:

“I have to hide every part of myself.”

2. What masking looks like in the classroom

Teachers may see:

  • perfectly quiet behaviour
  • polite responses
  • no visible emotion
  • forced calm
  • copying other students’ actions
  • “robotic” social behaviour
  • over-apologizing
  • speaking in a rehearsed or formal way
  • following rules very strictly
  • avoiding asking questions
  • smiling through discomfort
  • pushing themselves past limits

Then — sometimes suddenly — the mask cracks:

  • crying in the bathroom
  • shutting down after class
  • emotional outbursts at home
  • fatigue, headaches, or stomach pain
  • refusing to come to school
  • panic during transitions

Key truth:

👉 A “perfect” student is often a masked student.
The classroom version of them is not the whole picture.

3. Why neurodivergent students mask

Masking is not manipulation.
It’s self-protection.

1. Fear of being judged

Students hide differences to avoid ridicule, bullying, or misunderstanding.

2. Wanting to fit in

They copy classmates because social rules are confusing.

3. Avoiding punishment

Past experiences taught them that being themselves leads to trouble.

4. Autism / ADHD social learning

Some ND students learn to “perform” social behaviour instead of intuitively knowing it.

5. Cultural or family pressure

Some families expect “perfect behaviour” at school.

6. Classroom norms

Rigid expectations encourage masking.

Masking is emotionally, mentally, and physically draining.

4. Why ESL classrooms increase masking

Language learning often involves:

  • performing in front of peers
  • guessing social meaning
  • dealing with unfamiliar vocabulary
  • feeling watched
  • fear of mistakes
  • unclear expectations
  • unpredictable speaking tasks

So many ND students mask even harder in ESL because:

  • they don’t want to look “stupid”
  • they’re afraid of misunderstanding
  • they hide confusion about instructions
  • they copy others to blend in
  • they suppress overload to avoid being noticed
  • they smile or nod instead of asking for help

This is why teachers sometimes say:
“They look fine in class, but then they fall apart later.”

Yes — because they held everything in until it was safe to release it.

5. The biggest misconception: “If they don’t show it, it’s not a problem.”

Masking creates a dangerous illusion:

  • teacher sees calm
  • student feels panic
  • teacher sees cooperation
  • student feels exhaustion
  • teacher sees “no issues”
  • student burns out silently

Academic success does not mean emotional or sensory wellbeing.

Often, the students who mask hardest are the ones closest to burnout.

6. What NOT to do

Avoid these common responses:

❌ Praising perfection
→ Increases the pressure to hide.

❌ “You’re so well-behaved! I wish everyone were like you.”
→ Reinforces masking as identity.

❌ Ignoring subtle signs of distress
→ Shutting down becomes inevitable.

❌ Forcing participation or eye contact
→ Increases masking instead of comfort.

❌ Assuming silence = understanding
→ Students may nod while completely lost.

7. What teachers SHOULD do

✔ Create a low-pressure environment

Normalize mistakes, confusion, and uncertainty.

✔ Offer private ways to ask for help

Some students will never raise their hands.

✔ Say expectations explicitly

“It’s okay if you need a break.”
“It’s okay if you don’t want to speak today.”

✔ Notice subtle burnout signs

Quietness, fatigue, blank staring, unusually perfect work.

✔ Use visual structure

Predictability reduces the need to mask.

✔ Avoid praising “quietness” as good behaviour

Praise effort, participation, creativity — not silence.

✔ Give options for communication

Write, type, draw, whisper, or point — not only speak aloud.

✔ Validate feelings

“You don’t have to push yourself. I’m here to support you.”

Validation reduces the pressure to hide.

8. What masking really means

🟣 Masking is not politeness — it’s fear.
🟣 It’s not maturity — it’s protection.
🟣 It’s not “good behaviour” — it’s self-silencing.
🟣 Students who mask the most often struggle the most.

When teachers recognize masking, students feel seen — often for the first time.
Only then can they begin to show their real needs, real emotions, and real abilities.

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