Demand Avoidance

Demand avoidance is one of the most misunderstood neurodivergent behaviours. Teachers often interpret it as:

  • laziness,
  • disrespect,
  • attitude,
  • manipulation,
  • “not wanting to learn,”
  • or “attention-seeking.”

Research shows something very different:
👉 Demand avoidance is usually a response to anxiety, cognitive overload, or a need for autonomy — not a refusal to learn.

It’s a survival strategy, not a personality flaw.

1. What “demand avoidance” actually is

In neurodivergent individuals (especially autistic and PDA profiles), “demands” don’t just mean big tasks.
They can be tiny, everyday instructions:

  • “Open your book.”
  • “Write three sentences.”
  • “Work with your partner.”
  • “Answer question 2.”
  • “Come to the board.”

To a dysregulated or overwhelmed brain, even simple requests can feel like loss of control or danger, triggering avoidance.

Elizabeth O’Nions et al. (2014) shows demand avoidance is linked to:

  • anxiety regulation,
  • autonomy needs,
  • sensory overload,
  • executive functioning difficulties,
  • difficulty shifting tasks,
  • fear of failure.

So avoidance is not opposition.
It’s protection.

2. What demand avoidance looks like in class

It can be subtle or very obvious.

Subtle forms:

  • ignoring the instruction
  • pretending not to hear
  • “accidentally” forgetting materials
  • suddenly needing the bathroom
  • asking unrelated questions
  • changing the topic
  • doodling or distracting themselves
  • laughing it off
  • negotiating (“Can I do it later?”)

Intense forms:

  • “No.”
  • “I don’t want to.”
  • “This is stupid.”
  • pushing back emotionally
  • meltdown behaviours
  • running out of the room

Teachers often assume these are attitude issues, but research suggests the opposite:
👉 The stronger the avoidance, the higher the internal anxiety.

3. Why demand avoidance happens more in ESL classrooms

ESL learning demands:

  • speaking in front of others,
  • making mistakes publicly,
  • decoding instructions in L2,
  • fast social interactions,
  • unpredictable listening tasks,
  • being corrected
    — all of which spike anxiety.

If the student already struggles with:

  • transitions,
  • sensory input,
  • executive functioning,
  • perfectionism,
  • fear of failure,
    the demand becomes overwhelming.

Avoidance is the brain’s way of saying:
“I’m not safe enough to do this right now.”

4. The biggest misconception: “They’re refusing because they don’t care.”

Research consistently contradicts this.

Demand avoidance is rarely about the task itself.
It’s about:

  • the pressure,
  • the social expectation,
  • the lack of choice,
  • the fear of getting it wrong,
  • the overwhelm behind the surface.

Studies in PDA profiles (Newson, Gillberg & Wing, 2003) show that when autonomy increases, cooperation also increases.

Control lowers anxiety.
Anxiety lowers avoidance.

5. What teachers should NOT do

Avoiding these reactions prevents escalation.

❌ Do not power-struggle

“You must do it now” immediately increases anxiety and avoidance.

❌ Do not publicly pressure them

Calling them out in front of peers makes the demand 10× heavier.

❌ Do not interpret avoidance as disrespect

It is fear, not attitude.

❌ Do not give rapid-fire instructions

This overwhelms working memory.

❌ Do not assume compliance = learning

Some students mask until they break.

6. What teachers SHOULD do

These strategies align with current research on reducing demand avoidance.

✔ Give choices

“Do you want to write or speak your answer?”
“Do you want to start with number 2 or number 4?”

Choice = control = reduced anxiety.

✔ Offer predictability

Write instructions on the board.
Show the timeline of the task.
Reduce sudden changes.

✔ Use indirect language

Instead of:
“Do it now.”
Try:
“When you’re ready, you can start with this.”
or
“Let’s do the first one together.”

✔ Break tasks into tiny steps

Less cognitive pressure = less avoidance.

✔ Use low-pressure communication

Soft tone, slower pace, neutral body language.

✔ Celebrate attempts, not perfection

Fear of mistakes is a huge driver of avoidance.

✔ Give regulation breaks

A 1-minute pause can prevent a 20-minute shutdown.

7. Why demand avoidance is often misdiagnosed as “defiance”

Because the behaviour looks similar from the outside, but the root cause is different.

Defiance:
“I won’t.”
(motivated by opposition)

Demand Avoidance:
“I can’t.”
(motivated by anxiety)

Teachers who don’t know the difference often escalate the situation unintentionally.

8. What this means specifically for ESL teachers

ESL learning is uniquely demanding for ND students.
So you’ll see avoidance more often when tasks involve:

  • reading aloud
  • answering questions in front of class
  • spontaneous speaking
  • presentations
  • strict grammar exercises
  • unfamiliar vocabulary
  • pair/group activities with social pressure

It’s not lack of motivation.
It’s fear, overload, and loss of control.

The more a teacher pushes, the more the student avoids.

The more the teacher offers choice and safety, the more the student engages.

Instagram