Eye contact is often treated as something everyone should do, but that idea doesn’t hold up when you look at how different brains actually work. The assumption that “looking into someone’s eyes = listening, respect, or interest” is simply not true for everyone — and it can put a lot of unnecessary pressure on neurodivergent people.

Why eye contact can be difficult

For many autistic or ADHD individuals, eye contact isn’t a small social gesture — it’s an intense sensory task.
It can:

overload their senses,
make it harder to process the actual words,
or create a physical feeling of tension.

It’s not about rudeness. It’s not avoidance. It’s just the brain trying to stay comfortable enough to follow the conversation.

The common misunderstanding here is:
“If they don’t look at me, they’re not paying attention.”
In reality, many neurodivergent people listen better when they’re not forced to make eye contact.

What about too much eye contact?

This part is often missed completely.
Some people stare a bit too long because they were taught that eye contact is the “correct” thing to do, but they struggle to notice when it becomes uncomfortable for others.
It’s not aggression.
It’s not dominance.
It’s simply missing the social cues that tell most people when to look away.

What this means in real interactions

A lot of problems come from holding everyone to the same social rule.
If the rule is “You must look into my eyes to show respect,” then neurodivergent students or adults are set up to fail from the start.

A healthier approach is to look at other signs of engagement:

their posture,
their responses,
their tone,
their questions,
or the work they produce.

Eye contact shouldn’t be the only measure of whether someone cares or is listening.

How to make communication easier

Small shifts make a big difference:

Offer alternatives — writing, texting, drawing, or moving while talking.

Don’t insist on “Look at me.”

Let someone look at your shoulder, hands, or the wall.

Accept that listening and looking aren’t always connected.

Keep the conversation open and safe, even without eye contact.

1. Why eye contact feels harder in an ESL setting

It’s already challenging for many neurodivergent students. But add a second language, and the effort doubles:

They’re trying to understand new grammar or vocabulary.
At the same time, they’re expected to handle social rules that are not natural to them.
Looking directly into someone’s eyes can disrupt their ability to process English.

So if a student looks away while you speak, it might actually mean:
“I’m focusing on your words, not your eyes.”

Forcing eye contact here reduces comprehension.

2. Common misunderstandings ESL teachers fall into

Many teachers (understandably) assume:

lack of eye contact = lack of interest
looking away = not listening
staring too intensely = aggression

In neurodivergent learners, none of these assumptions hold.
Looking away is often a support strategy, not a sign of disrespect.
Staring too long is often a missed social cue, not an attitude problem.

3. What ESL teachers can do differently

Tiny adjustments create huge improvements:

✔ Don’t use “Look at me” as a teaching tool

It interrupts language processing.
Instead, try:
“Let me know if you understand.”
“Show me with your notebook.”
“Give me a thumbs-up when ready.”

✔ Offer listening options without face pressure

Students can:

look at the board
look at their notebook
look at your hands or gestures
doodle while listening
look down

These can actually improve attention, not reduce it.

✔ When checking comprehension, avoid relying on eye contact

Instead of reading their eyes, read their language output:

short verbal responses
written notes
selecting the right picture or word
matching tasks
gestures or signals

These reveal far more than eye contact ever will.

✔ Give processing time

Neurodivergent students often need a few extra seconds.
When you ask a question, pause.
Don’t fill the silence for them.
Silence helps their brain prepare a response, especially in L2.

✔ Regulate the sensory environment

Bright lights + noisy group + forced eye contact = total overload.
If possible:

reduce eye-contact-heavy circle activities
offer calm seats at the sides
allow fidget tools or calm hand movements
give instructions visually as well as verbally

✔ Normalize communication differences

Say things like:
“You don’t need to look at me to show you’re listening.”
“You can answer while looking at the board—no problem.”

This creates safety for everyone in the room, not just neurodivergent students.

4. Why this matters for ESL specifically

Because language learning is already mentally demanding.
When students feel pressured to perform socially and linguistically at the same time, their working memory gets stretched thin.

Reduced eye contact actually frees up mental space for:

vocabulary recall
grammar processing
listening comprehension
speaking fluency
pronunciation

In other words:
Lower social pressure = better English.

RELATED RESEARCH

1. Eye contact activates high-demand brain systems

Senju & Johnson (2009) and Dalmaso et al. (2020) found that making eye contact is not a passive act. It triggers brain systems responsible for:

reading intentions
emotional interpretation
social expectations
facial recognition
rapid attention shifts

This activation is heavier in autistic brains, which means:

More sensory data
More emotional cues
More expectations to decode

All happening at the same time as they try to understand English.

Why this matters in ESL

A neurodivergent student trying to keep eye contact might be using half their mental energy on the social part, leaving less for:

listening comprehension
vocabulary recall
grammar processing

If you’ve ever wondered why a student understands you better when they’re looking at their notebook — this is why.

2. Eye contact reduces working memory and verbal performance

This is one of the most important findings for ESL teaching.

Macdonald & Tatler (2018) showed that direct eye contact interferes with:

speech planning
sentence formation
word retrieval
cognitive reasoning

Not just for autistic people — for everyone.
It’s just more intense for neurodivergent learners.

Implication:

For speaking tasks (retelling, presentations, interviews), forcing eye contact can actually make English production worse.

Students may:

speak less fluently
forget words
mix up structures
hesitate or freeze

and teachers often misinterpret this as “lack of confidence” instead of “cognitive overload.”

**3. Averting gaze improves comprehension — especially in autistic learners**

Kleberg et al. (2017) found that autistic individuals show:

higher listening accuracy,
better response timing,
stronger comprehension,
when eye contact is not required.

Why? Because they can focus fully on:

the teacher’s words
the rhythm of the sentence
the sound patterns
the meaning

instead of managing facial cues.

Major ESL takeaway:

A student who looks at the wall might be the one listening most deeply.

4. Eye contact expectations vary by culture (Argyle, 1988; Ting-Toomey, 1999)

This is where many teachers make unconscious mistakes.

In many Asian, Middle Eastern, African and Indigenous cultures:

direct eye contact with authority is rude,
prolonged eye contact is aggressive,
children are taught to look elsewhere as a sign of respect.

So when you mix:

a neurodivergent brain
a new language
a different culture
a teacher expecting “Western” eye contact

you get misunderstandings on both sides.

The assumption that eye contact = respect is not global.

5. Masking and forced eye contact increase emotional exhaustion

Hull et al. (2017) talk about autistic “masking” — acting neurotypical to avoid judgment.

Forced eye contact is one of the most commonly masked behaviors.

Masking leads to:

anxiety,
burnout,
reduced authenticity,
shutdowns or meltdowns,
lower long-term motivation for learning.

In an ESL class, where students are already out of their comfort zone, forcing eye contact increases this risk.

6. ADHD and eye contact: attention regulation, not avoidance

Studies like Yamamoto et al. (2019) show that students with ADHD often break eye contact to:

manage distractions
steady their attention
filter background noise
regulate sensory input

Looking away helps them maintain focus.
Looking directly at the teacher can split their attention and make them miss the meaning.

7. “Too much eye contact” and social cue difficulty (Chevallier et al., 2012)

Some neurodivergent learners do the opposite — they stare too long.
This is not rudeness.
It’s usually because they learned “eye contact = correct” but cannot judge:

when to start
when to stop
how long is appropriate

Teachers often read this as defiance or aggression, but research shows it comes from difficulty reading subtle social signals, not attitude.

8. ESL teaching = double cognitive load

This part is rarely talked about, but it matters:

Neurodivergent brains already work harder to manage sensory and social information.
Now add the extra mental load of:

foreign grammar
unfamiliar sounds
decoding accents
new vocabulary
following instructions in L2

Eye contact becomes the least important thing in the room.

And yet it’s the one thing teachers often demand first.

This mismatch harms learning.

9. What all this research means for ESL teachers

**✔ Eye contact is a bad indicator of attention.**

Use students’ actions, responses, and language production instead.

✔ Allow gaze aversion during listening and speaking.

This improves comprehension and fluency.

✔ Replace “Look at me” with other forms of engagement.

Use verbal check-ins, gestures, or written prompts.

✔ Normalize difference.

Explicitly say:
“You don’t have to look at me to show you’re listening.”

✔ Reduce the social load to increase the language load.

Less pressure = better English.

✔ Watch out for masking.

A student who looks at you “perfectly” may be overwhelmed inside.

✔ Offer multimodal communication.

Allow:

notebooks
doodling
fidgeting
eye-gaze breaks
moving slightly
during tasks.

These support focus, not distract from it.

💬 1. Eye Contact Differences